"Be kind to your enemy and thereby heap burning coals upon their head". It came from an old Egyptian process where they would gain confessions from their enemies by placing a funnel-type device on top of their heads and telling them that they "better confess" or the coals would get poured. The saying now means that if you're kind to your enemy, they only have themselves to deal with and when deep self-evaluation causes their own problems to be brought to light, confession occurs.
You can be kind but firm, if someone insults you falsely in front of other people, by saying, "you know that's not true" with a smile. You may want to play your cards closer to the vest outside of your circle of friends and not admit when you're insulted. The pain of the insult will subside, but admitting that you've been insulted to an enemy allows them to see a weak point...and that never ends well.
Get a shocked/surprised look on your face and say, "I didn't know you grew up in an orphanage! You obviously had no mother that taught you any manners." AND, if you think you could pull it off, add "Bless your heart." to the end of that. (Adding "bless your/his/her heart" at the end of any insult really leaves one wondering...)
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