Do you do what’s necessary AND sufficient in your marriage?

Married couples may go through necessary and sufficient conditions.  One or both of them may be doing what’s necessary. Staying in the relationship is necessary to keep the marriage alive. But even though staying in a situation may be necessary, it may not be sufficient to keep the marriage alive. If you know that the right thing to do is to keep your marriage alive, then you will do what is also sufficient, which is to love and respect each other without becoming intolerant towards the other person.

 

Often, one spouse may not do what is necessary because the other spouse is not doing what is sufficient to sustain the relationship. This is apparent when one spouse leaves the household because the other spouse is not showing love or respect. You may also notice couples doing only what is necessary and not doing what is sufficient when a spouse just stays in the Status Quo because they know it’s the only way to keep the marriage alive. However, they may be harboring ill-will towards the other spouse. As such, not showing love or respect. In order for a marriage to be alive and vibrant, both partners must do what is necessary AND sufficient.

 

If the marriage goes south, it is the partner’s fault that didn’t do what was necessary and it’s the partner’s fault that didn’t do what was sufficient. Of course, marriage is not all that important to a lot of people. We all hear of celebrities getting married one month and getting divorced the next. When we become desensitized to marriage and it becomes a byword, then it may not be all that important to do what’s necessary OR what’s sufficient.

Goals

Each goal that we have is just a desired result. When we have too many goals, our desk becomes cluttered and we are easily distracted. My business coach, Sean Oliver, put me through a goal exercise, which helped me prioritize my goals. 

 

If you have a lot of goals facing you and you want to focus on one or two, start plugging in all of your goals to this attached worksheet. If you have less than 16 goals at the beginning, that’s good. Fill in every other cell and then go back to the top and fill in the blank spaces. 

 

I strongly suggest having a “loser’s bracket” because if you’re picking more than one goal and you’re prioritizing, your #1 goal will win out against all comers. Your # 2 goal may lose out early to your #1 goal and you may miss an important objective in your life or business.

What Constrains you?

 

Our output is based on the capacity of our constraints. A team is only as strong as its weakest player. A chain is only as strong as its weakest link. Dr. Eli Goldratt originally described the steps listed below as a process that we must go through to expand constraints so that productivity is not limited in our business or our personal lives. In order to expand constraints, we must:

 

1. Identify the constraint

2. Exploit the constraint

3. Focus on the constraint

4. Elevate the constraint

5. Return to step 1 as many times as is necessary

What is Critical Mass?

Momentum is not important until it becomes sufficient enough in a family, business, or sports setting where it becomes self-sustaining and produces further growth. That is critical mass.

Who knows the difference between 'affect' and 'effect'?

I purposely used the word ‘affect’ in my purpose statement because that word, ‘affect’, describes an act upon something instead of ‘effect’, which is something that is produced by that act.

“Commitment to Change” the book has now been released. It will be in limited release in book stores and is available now at Amazon.com!

The link is listed below.  These books have been written because I care about the Commitment to Change that comes about in each of you. It remains important in these series of books that great change (in quality rather than actual size of change) happens in each of your lives.  In this book, particularly, we learn to reverse-engineer our attitudes and behaviors. We take our attitudes and behaviors apart piece by piece and understand how they work. We find out how to shovel out our legacy-thinking and replace the incorrect and incomplete construction of ourselves, our family, and our business so that we can function as we were originally designed. We can finish our life better than we began and commit to winning the Transition Game.

Commitment is only the final piece in the whole Transition Game model. C2C covers the Consideration that brings Certainty and guidance from the Charter that brings Character.

You can read the last chapter of this book about Jim and Janette Schueller and gain the whole perspective about what it takes to live a fulfilled life where transition is done well and Commitment to Change is achieved. Jim and Janette’s lives are a success story. They won the battle with this world and they are an example that we all can follow. Join me while I understand their Commitment to Change.

 

Commitment to Change: The 5 Cs That Transform Your Life and Business

Authored by Greg Olney, Designed by Linda Carlberg, Cover design and artwork by Martin Vogel, Foreword by Jeff Hufnagel

Click on this link to buy the book:  Commitment to Change

Like on Facebook: Facebook - Commitment to Change

Do you ever want to know IT Acronyms?

If you’re not well-versed in the new language of Information Technology, go to www.whatis.com. You’ll find all types of acronyms and explanations for each.

How do you write a strong letter?

Here are some tips to help you build a strong letter from start to finish:
 

·         Before you begin to write, make a list of things you want to focus on – your purpose for writing.  Stick to the points that support this purpose.  Get rid of everything else, no matter how clever, erudite, or special such points may seem to you.

·         Take that well-developed sense of purpose and apply it to your opening statements.  Use single-idea, short sentences.  Get to the point in the first paragraph.  Don’t lead readers on; they may not follow.

·         Use the active voice, personal pronouns and an upbeat and conversational tone throughout.

·         Conclude with what you think the reader’s – or your – next move should be.  Make your last sentence a call to action.

How do you stay a step ahead of snipers? (The chronic bearers of bad news)

Does your organization or department have a sniper – a chronic bearer of bad news?  These are usually intelligent and perceptive people who delight in interpreting current company events as being ominous.

Snipers take joy in seeing others worry and distrust their bosses and organization.  If you refuse to join them in their underhanded movement, they’ll stop bothering you.

      Want to get them off your back?  Try these suggestions:

 ·         Politely, let them know you’re too busy to talk.  Tell them you’re way behind on a project or swamped with a lot of work.  After a while, they’ll drop you from their rumor rounds.

·         Don’t agree or disagree with anything snipers say.  Just sit there, ask no questions and make no comments.  If snipers see you can’t be made to worry, they’ll scratch you off the list.

·         Tell snipers politely but firmly that you prefer to rely on official information – not on their opinions or interpretations of rumors that fly around.

·         Cut off snipers at the pass by setting up a “rumor” box that other people can use to question the accuracy of rumors started by snipers.

·         Hold a “rumor” clinic when you find that snipers have gone too far and their destructive comments threaten morale.  You’ll get the facts out and undermine the credibility of the sniper.

How do you negotiate to get a better deal?

If you’re trying to negotiate a mutually beneficial deal, you might want to consider these strategies that professional negotiators use:

 

·         Build trust and share information.  Give away some information.  If trust is low, this action might break a deadlock and stimulate the information-sharing needed.  This approach creates a positive atmosphere.

·         Ask lots of questions.  You can learn from the answers and also from what isn’t said.  And don’t forget the follow-up questions.  Often, your first question is just a way to get your foot in the negotiating door.

·         Consider trying to reach a post settlement.  Example: After you reach an agreement, propose looking for a better one for both of you.  That’ll leave everyone’s options open, but you should vow to be bound by the initial agreement if a better one isn’t developed.

·         View negotiations as a continuing life process in which no issue is irrevocably closed, even after agreements are reached and papers are signed.  Changing circumstances may warrant a second look-see – and another round of negotiations.

·         Keep an open mind.  Don’t try to persuade opposers that their views are wrong and should be changed.  An edict to “change” often can be a red flag.  Try to present creative alternatives that truly meet the other side’s needs.

·         Search for novel solutions.  Example: Two sisters each wanted a single orange.  After much argument, they finally discovered that one sister wanted it for the juice and the other one wanted the rind to bake a cake.  After that communication exchange, they solved the problem quickly.

 

Source: Negotiating Rationally by Max Bazerman.  Published by Soundview Executive Book Summaries, Bristol, VT.

How do you respond to a compliment?

Brevity is the key when your boss or a client praises your work.  A sincere “thank you” “or “how kind of you” works fine – say any more and you may launch into aw-shucks, awkward disclaimers: “Oh, it was nothing!”

How do you grab someone’s attention?

Varying the volume at which you speak will keep listeners captivated.  You can deliberately belt out a word or phrase if you want the listener to get your point.  To regain someone’s attention, keep your voice just above a whisper.

In fact, nearly any departure from the monotonic norm will make your delivery distinctive.

Source: Monitoring, Measuring & Managing Customer Service by Garty Goodman.  Published by Jossey Bass.  ISBN 0-7879-5139-0.

Do you say “I’m busy”?

Try to avoid explaining a mistake or delay with the reason that you were “busy” (even if you were).  Saying that tells your customer, supplier, or colleague that whatever else it was that you were doing took precedence over the business with that person.

 

Source: PHC Profit Report, 847-297-3450.

How do you increase teamwork effectiveness?

1.     Encourage direct talk across the “we-they” boundaries.  Start with your own attitude toward each person’s opinions and ideas.

2.     Build networks.  You’ll be more effective if people throughout your organization know you, like you, and trust your motives.  Most of what’s accomplished is done through informal channels.

3.     Think of the communication process as one of conflict resolution.  Good negotiators solve problems.  They look for areas of overlapping interest and expand on them.

4.     Share information.  If you know what’s going on and others don’t, you’re in a position of power.  If you don’t share the information you lose trust and the power you had.

How do you become a great conversationalist without talking too much?

When it comes to developing critical listening skills, we can learn a lot from great leaders in history.  For example, consider what President Harry Truman said about George Marshall, the World War II hero who became a five-star general and came up with the Marshall Plan, an economic approach designed to keep Europe from falling under communist domination.

    

In his memoirs, Truman wrote of Marshall: “Marshall’s report confirmed my conviction that there was no time to lose in finding a method for the revival of Europe.  General Marshall is one of the most astute and profound men I have ever known.  Whenever any problem was brought before him he seemed to be able to put his finger at once on the very best solution.  He talked very little but listened carefully to everything that was said.  Sometimes he would sit for an hour with little or no expression on his face, but when he had heard enough, he would come up with a statement of his own that invariably cut to the very bone of the matter under discussion.”

How do you stop procrastinating or getting others to stop procrastinating?

 

Some people think they can get procrastinators moving by giving them a strict completion deadline.

 

Problem: The procrastinator thinks, “oh, that’s down the road.  I don’t have to worry about that.”

 

Solution: Try giving the procrastinator a deadline for starting the job.  “This is the first thing you have to tackle today.”

How do you win over tough personal opponents?

Try these ideas if you want to improve your relationship with people who seem to be personal opponents:

·         Analyze their hidden agendas.  What are these people doing to enhance their personal power?

·         Commit yourself to problem solving.  Try to establish a win-win situation.

·         Look for things you and your opponent hold in common.

·         Explore feelings and individual interpretations.  Opposition is fueled by emotions.  Long-standing feuds often begin with a misinterpretation.  Get all feelings out on the table.

·         Don’t wait for a convenient time to resolve an issue.  There usually won’t be one.  Give each other permission to confront problems as soon as they arise.  Hurt feelings will fester the longer you defer them.

·         Use three magic words when starting what could be a confrontation.  “Could it be…?”

·         Strive for a mutual commitment to specific actions.  Talking isn’t enough.  Agreed-upon actions must follow.

·         Don’t expect major improvements overnight.  Your opponents may need time to see if it’s safe to let down their guard.

 Source:  The New Way to Compete by Harry Olson.  Published by Lexington.  ISBN 0-68879-843-1.

Do you have any “back-from-the brink” stories?

Inspirational stories tend to take two forms: 1. How people succeeded.  2.  How people failed, and what they learned from failure.  There’s a third form, however, that’s little used but highly effective: “How I (or someone else) almost failed.”

 

People are intrigued by tales of how someone was this close to success when circumstances got in the way.  For instance, the story of a successful sale takes on added interest when the storyteller brings listeners to the edge of disaster and then pulls them back with a tale of triumph.  Consider that the next time you’re trying to motivate listeners.  Despite the trite warning to “cut to the chase,” listeners really want to hear the details, not just the happy ending.  That’s the story that gets their attention.

Anger! How do you defuse it?

Someone is angry. The anger may be directed at you, at another employee, or just at the world in general.  No matter.  Now it’s up to you to get the person to put aside the anger and get the job done.  But how? 

First, realize some degree of confrontation probably can’t be avoided, and the common comforting words usually don’t work.  Example – Comforting words: “I know how you feel.”  Reply: “Don’t tell me that!  You don’t know how I feel!”  Here’s a better idea.  Get right down to the nitty-gritty details of the anger – and the tasks before you.  So, you could begin with something like: “It’s unfair that you got blamed for that late shipment.  Exactly how late was it?”

Now, you might think that having people recount the details of the source of their steam would heighten their anger or push them to wallow in it.  Not true.  In fact, details have the opposite effect.  A step-by-step analysis of the details sets a calming mood.  People begin to move toward rational, focused thinking and away from the hazy, general “the world is against me” approach.

The next step: Subtly move toward the details of the new tasks – “How ‘bout if you and I set a timetable for completing the monthly report?”

Do you try to do more than one thing at a time? How does that work for you?

When sitting at a table or desk to discuss documents with a colleague, avoid spreading out the documents in front of the two of you.  A jumble of face-up documents encourages people to read ahead or get distracted from what you’re trying to focus on.

Instead: Place the focus document face-up and the others face-down or out of sight.