Anger! How do you defuse it?

Someone is angry. The anger may be directed at you, at another employee, or just at the world in general.  No matter.  Now it’s up to you to get the person to put aside the anger and get the job done.  But how? 

First, realize some degree of confrontation probably can’t be avoided, and the common comforting words usually don’t work.  Example – Comforting words: “I know how you feel.”  Reply: “Don’t tell me that!  You don’t know how I feel!”  Here’s a better idea.  Get right down to the nitty-gritty details of the anger – and the tasks before you.  So, you could begin with something like: “It’s unfair that you got blamed for that late shipment.  Exactly how late was it?”

Now, you might think that having people recount the details of the source of their steam would heighten their anger or push them to wallow in it.  Not true.  In fact, details have the opposite effect.  A step-by-step analysis of the details sets a calming mood.  People begin to move toward rational, focused thinking and away from the hazy, general “the world is against me” approach.

The next step: Subtly move toward the details of the new tasks – “How ‘bout if you and I set a timetable for completing the monthly report?”