Do you do what’s necessary AND sufficient in your marriage?

Married couples may go through necessary and sufficient conditions.  One or both of them may be doing what’s necessary. Staying in the relationship is necessary to keep the marriage alive. But even though staying in a situation may be necessary, it may not be sufficient to keep the marriage alive. If you know that the right thing to do is to keep your marriage alive, then you will do what is also sufficient, which is to love and respect each other without becoming intolerant towards the other person.

 

Often, one spouse may not do what is necessary because the other spouse is not doing what is sufficient to sustain the relationship. This is apparent when one spouse leaves the household because the other spouse is not showing love or respect. You may also notice couples doing only what is necessary and not doing what is sufficient when a spouse just stays in the Status Quo because they know it’s the only way to keep the marriage alive. However, they may be harboring ill-will towards the other spouse. As such, not showing love or respect. In order for a marriage to be alive and vibrant, both partners must do what is necessary AND sufficient.

 

If the marriage goes south, it is the partner’s fault that didn’t do what was necessary and it’s the partner’s fault that didn’t do what was sufficient. Of course, marriage is not all that important to a lot of people. We all hear of celebrities getting married one month and getting divorced the next. When we become desensitized to marriage and it becomes a byword, then it may not be all that important to do what’s necessary OR what’s sufficient.

Goals

Each goal that we have is just a desired result. When we have too many goals, our desk becomes cluttered and we are easily distracted. My business coach, Sean Oliver, put me through a goal exercise, which helped me prioritize my goals. 

 

If you have a lot of goals facing you and you want to focus on one or two, start plugging in all of your goals to this attached worksheet. If you have less than 16 goals at the beginning, that’s good. Fill in every other cell and then go back to the top and fill in the blank spaces. 

 

I strongly suggest having a “loser’s bracket” because if you’re picking more than one goal and you’re prioritizing, your #1 goal will win out against all comers. Your # 2 goal may lose out early to your #1 goal and you may miss an important objective in your life or business.

What Constrains you?

 

Our output is based on the capacity of our constraints. A team is only as strong as its weakest player. A chain is only as strong as its weakest link. Dr. Eli Goldratt originally described the steps listed below as a process that we must go through to expand constraints so that productivity is not limited in our business or our personal lives. In order to expand constraints, we must:

 

1. Identify the constraint

2. Exploit the constraint

3. Focus on the constraint

4. Elevate the constraint

5. Return to step 1 as many times as is necessary

What is Critical Mass?

Momentum is not important until it becomes sufficient enough in a family, business, or sports setting where it becomes self-sustaining and produces further growth. That is critical mass.

Who knows the difference between 'affect' and 'effect'?

I purposely used the word ‘affect’ in my purpose statement because that word, ‘affect’, describes an act upon something instead of ‘effect’, which is something that is produced by that act.

“Commitment to Change” the book has now been released. It will be in limited release in book stores and is available now at Amazon.com!

The link is listed below.  These books have been written because I care about the Commitment to Change that comes about in each of you. It remains important in these series of books that great change (in quality rather than actual size of change) happens in each of your lives.  In this book, particularly, we learn to reverse-engineer our attitudes and behaviors. We take our attitudes and behaviors apart piece by piece and understand how they work. We find out how to shovel out our legacy-thinking and replace the incorrect and incomplete construction of ourselves, our family, and our business so that we can function as we were originally designed. We can finish our life better than we began and commit to winning the Transition Game.

Commitment is only the final piece in the whole Transition Game model. C2C covers the Consideration that brings Certainty and guidance from the Charter that brings Character.

You can read the last chapter of this book about Jim and Janette Schueller and gain the whole perspective about what it takes to live a fulfilled life where transition is done well and Commitment to Change is achieved. Jim and Janette’s lives are a success story. They won the battle with this world and they are an example that we all can follow. Join me while I understand their Commitment to Change.

 

Commitment to Change: The 5 Cs That Transform Your Life and Business

Authored by Greg Olney, Designed by Linda Carlberg, Cover design and artwork by Martin Vogel, Foreword by Jeff Hufnagel

Click on this link to buy the book:  Commitment to Change

Like on Facebook: Facebook - Commitment to Change

Do you ever want to know IT Acronyms?

If you’re not well-versed in the new language of Information Technology, go to www.whatis.com. You’ll find all types of acronyms and explanations for each.

How do you write a strong letter?

Here are some tips to help you build a strong letter from start to finish:
 

·         Before you begin to write, make a list of things you want to focus on – your purpose for writing.  Stick to the points that support this purpose.  Get rid of everything else, no matter how clever, erudite, or special such points may seem to you.

·         Take that well-developed sense of purpose and apply it to your opening statements.  Use single-idea, short sentences.  Get to the point in the first paragraph.  Don’t lead readers on; they may not follow.

·         Use the active voice, personal pronouns and an upbeat and conversational tone throughout.

·         Conclude with what you think the reader’s – or your – next move should be.  Make your last sentence a call to action.

How do you stay a step ahead of snipers? (The chronic bearers of bad news)

Does your organization or department have a sniper – a chronic bearer of bad news?  These are usually intelligent and perceptive people who delight in interpreting current company events as being ominous.

Snipers take joy in seeing others worry and distrust their bosses and organization.  If you refuse to join them in their underhanded movement, they’ll stop bothering you.

      Want to get them off your back?  Try these suggestions:

 ·         Politely, let them know you’re too busy to talk.  Tell them you’re way behind on a project or swamped with a lot of work.  After a while, they’ll drop you from their rumor rounds.

·         Don’t agree or disagree with anything snipers say.  Just sit there, ask no questions and make no comments.  If snipers see you can’t be made to worry, they’ll scratch you off the list.

·         Tell snipers politely but firmly that you prefer to rely on official information – not on their opinions or interpretations of rumors that fly around.

·         Cut off snipers at the pass by setting up a “rumor” box that other people can use to question the accuracy of rumors started by snipers.

·         Hold a “rumor” clinic when you find that snipers have gone too far and their destructive comments threaten morale.  You’ll get the facts out and undermine the credibility of the sniper.

How do you negotiate to get a better deal?

If you’re trying to negotiate a mutually beneficial deal, you might want to consider these strategies that professional negotiators use:

 

·         Build trust and share information.  Give away some information.  If trust is low, this action might break a deadlock and stimulate the information-sharing needed.  This approach creates a positive atmosphere.

·         Ask lots of questions.  You can learn from the answers and also from what isn’t said.  And don’t forget the follow-up questions.  Often, your first question is just a way to get your foot in the negotiating door.

·         Consider trying to reach a post settlement.  Example: After you reach an agreement, propose looking for a better one for both of you.  That’ll leave everyone’s options open, but you should vow to be bound by the initial agreement if a better one isn’t developed.

·         View negotiations as a continuing life process in which no issue is irrevocably closed, even after agreements are reached and papers are signed.  Changing circumstances may warrant a second look-see – and another round of negotiations.

·         Keep an open mind.  Don’t try to persuade opposers that their views are wrong and should be changed.  An edict to “change” often can be a red flag.  Try to present creative alternatives that truly meet the other side’s needs.

·         Search for novel solutions.  Example: Two sisters each wanted a single orange.  After much argument, they finally discovered that one sister wanted it for the juice and the other one wanted the rind to bake a cake.  After that communication exchange, they solved the problem quickly.

 

Source: Negotiating Rationally by Max Bazerman.  Published by Soundview Executive Book Summaries, Bristol, VT.

How do you respond to a compliment?

Brevity is the key when your boss or a client praises your work.  A sincere “thank you” “or “how kind of you” works fine – say any more and you may launch into aw-shucks, awkward disclaimers: “Oh, it was nothing!”

How do you grab someone’s attention?

Varying the volume at which you speak will keep listeners captivated.  You can deliberately belt out a word or phrase if you want the listener to get your point.  To regain someone’s attention, keep your voice just above a whisper.

In fact, nearly any departure from the monotonic norm will make your delivery distinctive.

Source: Monitoring, Measuring & Managing Customer Service by Garty Goodman.  Published by Jossey Bass.  ISBN 0-7879-5139-0.

Do you say “I’m busy”?

Try to avoid explaining a mistake or delay with the reason that you were “busy” (even if you were).  Saying that tells your customer, supplier, or colleague that whatever else it was that you were doing took precedence over the business with that person.

 

Source: PHC Profit Report, 847-297-3450.

How do you increase teamwork effectiveness?

1.     Encourage direct talk across the “we-they” boundaries.  Start with your own attitude toward each person’s opinions and ideas.

2.     Build networks.  You’ll be more effective if people throughout your organization know you, like you, and trust your motives.  Most of what’s accomplished is done through informal channels.

3.     Think of the communication process as one of conflict resolution.  Good negotiators solve problems.  They look for areas of overlapping interest and expand on them.

4.     Share information.  If you know what’s going on and others don’t, you’re in a position of power.  If you don’t share the information you lose trust and the power you had.

How do you become a great conversationalist without talking too much?

When it comes to developing critical listening skills, we can learn a lot from great leaders in history.  For example, consider what President Harry Truman said about George Marshall, the World War II hero who became a five-star general and came up with the Marshall Plan, an economic approach designed to keep Europe from falling under communist domination.

    

In his memoirs, Truman wrote of Marshall: “Marshall’s report confirmed my conviction that there was no time to lose in finding a method for the revival of Europe.  General Marshall is one of the most astute and profound men I have ever known.  Whenever any problem was brought before him he seemed to be able to put his finger at once on the very best solution.  He talked very little but listened carefully to everything that was said.  Sometimes he would sit for an hour with little or no expression on his face, but when he had heard enough, he would come up with a statement of his own that invariably cut to the very bone of the matter under discussion.”

How do you stop procrastinating or getting others to stop procrastinating?

 

Some people think they can get procrastinators moving by giving them a strict completion deadline.

 

Problem: The procrastinator thinks, “oh, that’s down the road.  I don’t have to worry about that.”

 

Solution: Try giving the procrastinator a deadline for starting the job.  “This is the first thing you have to tackle today.”

How do you win over tough personal opponents?

Try these ideas if you want to improve your relationship with people who seem to be personal opponents:

·         Analyze their hidden agendas.  What are these people doing to enhance their personal power?

·         Commit yourself to problem solving.  Try to establish a win-win situation.

·         Look for things you and your opponent hold in common.

·         Explore feelings and individual interpretations.  Opposition is fueled by emotions.  Long-standing feuds often begin with a misinterpretation.  Get all feelings out on the table.

·         Don’t wait for a convenient time to resolve an issue.  There usually won’t be one.  Give each other permission to confront problems as soon as they arise.  Hurt feelings will fester the longer you defer them.

·         Use three magic words when starting what could be a confrontation.  “Could it be…?”

·         Strive for a mutual commitment to specific actions.  Talking isn’t enough.  Agreed-upon actions must follow.

·         Don’t expect major improvements overnight.  Your opponents may need time to see if it’s safe to let down their guard.

 Source:  The New Way to Compete by Harry Olson.  Published by Lexington.  ISBN 0-68879-843-1.

Do you have any “back-from-the brink” stories?

Inspirational stories tend to take two forms: 1. How people succeeded.  2.  How people failed, and what they learned from failure.  There’s a third form, however, that’s little used but highly effective: “How I (or someone else) almost failed.”

 

People are intrigued by tales of how someone was this close to success when circumstances got in the way.  For instance, the story of a successful sale takes on added interest when the storyteller brings listeners to the edge of disaster and then pulls them back with a tale of triumph.  Consider that the next time you’re trying to motivate listeners.  Despite the trite warning to “cut to the chase,” listeners really want to hear the details, not just the happy ending.  That’s the story that gets their attention.

Anger! How do you defuse it?

Someone is angry. The anger may be directed at you, at another employee, or just at the world in general.  No matter.  Now it’s up to you to get the person to put aside the anger and get the job done.  But how? 

First, realize some degree of confrontation probably can’t be avoided, and the common comforting words usually don’t work.  Example – Comforting words: “I know how you feel.”  Reply: “Don’t tell me that!  You don’t know how I feel!”  Here’s a better idea.  Get right down to the nitty-gritty details of the anger – and the tasks before you.  So, you could begin with something like: “It’s unfair that you got blamed for that late shipment.  Exactly how late was it?”

Now, you might think that having people recount the details of the source of their steam would heighten their anger or push them to wallow in it.  Not true.  In fact, details have the opposite effect.  A step-by-step analysis of the details sets a calming mood.  People begin to move toward rational, focused thinking and away from the hazy, general “the world is against me” approach.

The next step: Subtly move toward the details of the new tasks – “How ‘bout if you and I set a timetable for completing the monthly report?”

Do you try to do more than one thing at a time? How does that work for you?

When sitting at a table or desk to discuss documents with a colleague, avoid spreading out the documents in front of the two of you.  A jumble of face-up documents encourages people to read ahead or get distracted from what you’re trying to focus on.

Instead: Place the focus document face-up and the others face-down or out of sight.

How do you double your brain power?

You probably sometimes wish that you could think faster, grasp new information quicker and recall more of what you read and hear.  You can, with these tips:

·            Tackle information.  You want to commit to your short-term memory in the morning.  Reason: The brain section that stores short-term memory items performs about 15% better in the morning.  But switch to the afternoon for items you want to keep in your long-tern memory because that part of your memory bank hits its stride later in the day. 

·            “Reverse and rephrase”. Overcome negative thoughts about your ability to learn something new.  Example: Instead of “I won’t remember what I’m learning,” tell your brain “I’ve already learned to recall many things – names, dates, computer commands.  So I can and will remember this.”

·            Plan for an upcoming learning event by selecting a reward you’ll give yourself afterward.  Pick something you wouldn’t usually buy or do.  Picture yourself enjoying the reward just before the learning event starts.  Repeat the process whenever you feel anxious about learning the information.  Note: No matter how things turn out, give yourself the reward.

·            Answer these questions after you read something that you want to remember: What was it about?  What parts of it were most important?  What opinions, if any, did it contain?  What’s my opinion of it?  What element makes it unique?  Note: Do this mentally or in writing – whichever works best for you.

·            Rely on graphic devices to increase your reading speed and to help you zero in on the main points in the books and other publications.  Examples: italics, boldface, underlining, bulleted lists, charts, graphs, etc.  As you go through pages, ignore regular text and scan only for these devices.  When you find one, slow down and read those sections more carefully.

·            Boost your thinking power by taking the time to really think about the answers to these questions about a situation, some information, or a problem: What seems to be the key idea here?  Does this resemble or parallel anything I’ve already learned or experienced?  Do I still have a nagging question about any part of this?  When I put everything together, what do I see as most important?

Source: Double Your Brain Power: Increase Your Memory by Using All of Your Brain All the Time, by Jean Marie Stine, Prentice Hall, 240 Frisch Court, Paramus, N 07652.

Who do you blame?

We are taught you must blame your mother, your sister, your father, your brothers, the school, the teachers – you can blame anyone, but never blame yourself.  It’s never your fault.  But it’s always your fault, because if you want to change, you’re the one who has got to change.  It’s as simple as that.…Katherine Hepburn

Where do you find your happiness?

Happiness is not in our circumstances, but in ourselves.  It is not something we see, like a rainbow, or feel, like the heat of a fire.  Happiness is something we are...John Sheerin

What inspires you? I’m inspired by my son’s All-Star team. They are a group of guys that I see growing into men right before my very eyes. My respect for these players is growing each time they play.

Here’s another example of inspiration:

When he was a student at Oberlin College, he was inspired by a chemistry professor’s remark that if “anyone should invent a process by which aluminum could be produced on a commercial scale, he could build a large fortune.”

At the time, aluminum was extremely difficult and costly to liberate from its oxide-bound form in nature.

In 1866, working with simple chemicals, the young student invented a smelting process that remains the basis for producing aluminum to this day.

Demand had to be cultivated as much as the technology.  Few industrialists saw a need for aluminum.

This didn’t stop the student from founding Alcoa, and in a few years aluminum was being used for electric cable, kitchen utensils explosives and automobile manufacturing.

At the time of his death, Charles Martin Hall was history’s wealthiest inventor.

May 2003 Good Stuff

What good things can come from a fiasco?

The word fiasco comes from the Italian name for a common bottle.  Ancient Venetian glassblowers would discard an article if they noticed the slightest flaw and convert it into a common bottle.  A beautiful Venetian vase could become a fiasco. 

But you learn more from your failures than you do your successes.  Salvage something from the fiascos in your life.  You will learn good judgment from the experience that a fiasco can provide.  You gain experience by making a mistake that may result in failure...and you will improve your skills. 

The next time you look at a fiasco, take the time to learn from the experience.

How do you get cooperation without nagging?

The next time a co-worker tells you that he or she will make your request a top priority, don’t accept answers that offer no specific accountability.

Counter with: “When can I expect it?”

When the co-worker commits, write it down.  That way you’ll have a record of who keeps their word and who falls short.  Plus you’ll know when you can start following up.  If people realize you’ll hold them accountable for empty promises, there’s less chance they’ll ignore your requests.

Source: Administrative Assistant Adviser, 370 Technology Dr., Malvern, PA.

Have you ever been tricked by a trick question?

Worded correctly, questions do more than get answers.  They get results – by spurring people to action, building consensus and clearing up confusion.

 Poorly worded questions, on the other hand, block idea exchange, sap enthusiasm and even foster resentment.

 Effective questions

 Here are examples of positive questions and when to use them:

• Open/direct questions uncover who, what, when, where, why or how.  Use them to encourage others to share opinions and take ownership of a problem.  Example: “How can we complete this project on time?”
• Planted-answer questions imply the specific direction you want the person’s answer to take.  Use them to gain buy-in.  Example: “Don’t you think this outline needs more work?”
• Off-the-hook questions allow people to refuse a request without losing face.  Use them to signal that others have a choice.  Example: “I know you’ve put in a lot of overtime this week, but would it be possible for you to stay a little late tonight?”

Ineffective questions

 Try to avoid these morale-sappers:

• Disagreeable questions reduce self-confidence.  Often framed as a “challenge,” they’re really an attack.  Example: “None of your other ideas have worked out.  What makes you think this one will?”
• No-way-out questions drive people into corners and encourage defensive responses.  Example: “As I see it, this is the only solution.  How can you possibly disagree?”
• Trick questions are traps to get others to agree with you because they’re left with little or no choice.  Example: “Should we follow my plan or put in some long hours to revamp it?”

Source:  Common Sense Leadership, by Roger Fulton.  Published by Ten Speed Press.  ISBN 0-89815-743-9

How do you reduce stress?

Taking time to express appreciation for those you work with offers a huge payoff.  Nearly half (46%) of employees surveyed by the Ethics Officer Association said “lack of recognition” created stress for them.  Consider jotting a note in your weekly planner to remind you to recognize those you work with.

Source: Ethics Officer Association, www.eoa.org.

What do you say to your son after he laid down the best bunt you’ve ever seen in a game and everything goes right, but he misread the coach’s signal?

The key to my son’s decision is that he made a decision and commitment after doing a risk assessment and cost/benefit analysis. We may misread a sign, but we can't be double-minded about our decision.

Being double-minded is the act letting go of something to get to a goal, but still holding on so that obtaining the goal is not possible. This could happen in reverse. In order to get to a goal, it may require holding on tight to your values. A double-minded person lets go of their values, which keeps them from their goals.

What do you do when someone gossips to you?

Office gossip is one of the most powerful and potentially destructive forces in the workplace. Do your part to reduce the harmful effects of hearsay by refusing to contribute to the rumor mill. When others gossip:

o Respond in a skeptical manner with statements such as, “I’d have to see that to believe it” or “Someone must be pulling your leg.”

o Gently remind rumormongers of others’ feelings – it may cause them to think twice about what they’re saying. For instance, you can say, “I would certainly hate for someone to be saying that sort of thing about me” in a manner that conveys genuine concern for the subject of gossip rather than a judgmental attitude toward the news bearer.

o Use strong language to deter persistent gossipers. Try saying, “I would rather have Jane tell me such personal details herself if she wanted me to know them.”

o Try not to sound preachy or morally-superior, or you’ll make enemies. But do remind others that gossip can hurt or destroy lives and careers – so it’s not an innocent pastime.

Source: The New York Public Library Business Desk Reference. Published by John Wiley & Sons, 800-225-5945.

Which one is more important? The customer/client or employees?

Here's an "important" thought. It really depends on how you define "important"! "Important" can be defined as something of great consequence. Quite frankly, if you don't have clients/customers, you'll be out of business a lot faster than if you don't have employees and you do it all yourself. That's pretty consequential. However, "important" can also be defined as prominent or of considerable influence. You really can't run a great business without influential employees. You might be able to get by if you have a great product that everyone wants and your clients/customers aren't very influential. So it all depends on how you define "important"!

How do you get organized?

I have helped small businesses organize their paper filing systems so that they can get things done. Admittedly, paper is not as easy to organize as on-line documents with on-line tools, but a “tickler file” is part of a system that allows paper to be:

o Thrown away
o Referred to someone else
o Acted on
o Filed for later use

A tickler file is simply an accordion file labeled 1 through 31 and January through December so that you can act on something at a later time (and not think about it until then).

How do you build a better team despite personality conflicts?

Essentials of effective teamwork

Your team can overcome personality conflicts – and boost productivity – by keeping the following points in mind:

1. You don’t have to be best buddies to work together. Even if you don’t socialize after work, you can still have perfectly productive working relationships with team members.

2. No one’s perfect. Sure, some of your teammates will get on your nerves. But you too may rub people the wrong way. Remind everyone that all members deserve to be treated with courtesy and respect – despite any personality differences.

3. You may have more in common than you think. Even with your differences, you share something significant with co-workers – a stake in the success of your team and company. View colleagues as allies in your quest to achieve goals.

4. Accept, even encourage, differing opinions. The results can generate fresh thinking and give you a new perspective on your job.

5. Effective teamwork takes planning. Don’t let teammates go with the flow and hope for the best. Work with members to set clear-cut goals. Discuss them together, write them down, and distribute copies to the group.

6. Measure progress. Being aware of the team’s accomplishments will inspire everyone to continue working together.

Source: Leadership From the Front Lines. Published by Bureau of Business Practice, 800-243-0876.

Are Leaders also Managers?

Leaders look from the "outside in" while managers "draw out" from what's on the inside. Leaders cover the vision (where the organization is going) while managers cover the mission (how the organization will get there). A person can do both.

Finish this statement: “If I were in charge of the world’s economy, I would...

If I were in charge of the world's economy, I would follow a strict vetting process of hiring business individuals with strong financial minds that could categorize government expenses and pass austerity measures to draw back from spending so much while eliminating pet projects that cost too much. The process of borrowing our own money from a central bank that charges us bank interest would be re-examined so a cycle would be created and we could get a large deficit reduced while increasing the top line.

Are you good at thinking on your feet?

When someone springs a question on you that requires an immediate answer, use PREPO to organize your thoughts quickly and concisely.

Point: First, make your point. This is your major statement and should cover only one idea.

Reason: Next, give your reason for making the point. By answering the question, “Why do you say that?” you can expand on your first statement.

Evidence: Third, offer supporting information. You might include data, demographics, and examples that reinforce your point. Evidence should be specific – it’s where the proof lies.

Point: Now make your point again. Good evidence will lead you directly back to your main point. Use the same words, or better yet, rephrase your point – but don’t change your content or attitude.

Outcome: This is a quick, action-oriented wrap-up. Use it to state an action you’ll take, something for your audience to do or simply to balance and close your argument.

Source: Minding Your Business, by Carolyn Dickson. Published by VOICE-PRO, Inc., 216-932-8040.

How do you manage burnout?

It actually may be helpful to re-think this question. You might want to ask, "How do you manage to keep the fire burning". Then you can define what it takes to keep a real fire burning: Fuel, Oxygen, and Heat. Then if you analogize the fire to business or relationships, you can think of:

• Fuel = resource to keep yourself or your business running
• Oxygen = what it takes for you or your business to keep breathing at a good rate
• Heat = what is your personal or business passion

Since these answers differ by each person or business, each person must ask:

• "What resources do I need to keep going?"
• "What do I need so that I don't get "winded"?
• "How do I stick to my passion?"

If these questions are not answered properly, the fire may "burn out", and then you have a completely different question about "starting back up"

What are some leadership-related quotes?

Here are a couple of quotes:

“Leadership is Influence - John Maxwell

“Leaders bring in what is outside; Managers draw out what is within” - First Break All the Rules, Marcus Buckingham

Which words reveal someone willing to take risk?

You can judge co-worker risk threshold by listening carefully to their choice of words.

Low-risk-tolerance language clues:
• “I don’t like to make waves”
• “What do I do if things go wrong”
• “I don’t like to work without specific instruction”

High-risk-tolerance language clues:
• “I like the freedom to do a job the way I think it should be done”
• “Detailed instructions don’t always produce the best results”
• “We’ve got to be able to accept great change.”

Source: Paul Dunphy, Design Label, East Lyme, CT 06371.

We need a “Love & Respect Your Spouse” day or should that be every day?

I believe a "Love & Respect Your Spouse" day is called an anniversary. Other than your anniversary, EVERY day should be used to please your spouse. Surprise them...and love them.

By the way, men and women are so vastly different. It's easier for guys to respect women and women to love men. Guys should spend additional time loving women and women should spend additional time respecting men.

Brutal Empathy – Is this new word combo distorted?

Are the two traits mutually exclusive or are they essential elements in professional development coaching?

A sociopath will use Brutal Empathy to think and feel vicariously through another person. However, the sociopath will have a cruel and harsh "bent" about those thoughts and feelings so the view is distorted and twisted. Unfortunately, this phrase is a form of "NewSpeak", which was brought up in the novel '1984'. This "NewSpeak" strives to make the distorted and twisted a new normal. Quite frankly, I would not want someone coaching me that used Brutal Empathy because they wouldn't have my best interest in mind.

How do you stop ramblers from stealing your time?

Listening to someone who rambles on and on can drain your time. But there’s a quick technique you can use to stop ramblers in their tracks.

Once you feel the person has reached the real point of the conversation, say: “Let’s make sure I’ve got this. You’re saying” …

That’s a subtle signal that the point’s been made – and the conversation can end.

Source: How to Survive – and Thrive – in Accounts Payable, by SkillPath Seminars

How do you give feedback to a superior who is excited about a brilliant idea and eagerly wants to hear you agree?

I would make it your goal to see how your superior’s idea could work. Work with him/her and work through any inherent problems. One of two things is going to happen: You'll get sold on the idea that it may actually be brilliant OR your boss will lose excitement because of any unfixable inherent problems.

What element or elements of managing a project do you find most rewarding?

The MOST rewarding element of Project Management is that the major stakeholders are pleased.

The Transition Game on e-Book is Here

The Transition Game on Kindle is @ http://www.amazon.com/dp/B006P3DB3O

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How do you win someone back that is angry with you?

Good news: Your ability to handle conflict can actually increase their loyalty to you.

…Here are six steps to help you reach that goal:

1. Deal with the…emotions first. Listen and respond with empathy.
2. Ask questions to get specifics…
3. Restate the issues and confirm you correctly understand the problem.
4. Offer a choice of alternatives to resolve the situation.
5. Let [them]…decide which alternatives to use.
6. Follow through on what you agree to do. If possible, do more than you promised.


Source: Women in Business, Published by American Business Women’s Association, 816-361-6621.

What is business?

Business is the backbone of the free market system...

What’s more important? Having a satisfied family or having an engaged family?

I may have people disagree with this comment, but I'm not sure increasing family satisfaction should be the ultimate goal. Rather, increasing family engagement will create a winning environment. If your family is engaged, they are loyal, they function well, and they act as partners. Only through involvement and buy-in can you increase family engagement. I realize that our families should be treated as an asset, but trying to satisfy them blurs the lines with accomplishing anything as a family.

Do you use too many words when you speak?

Short speeches … or else

The next time you’re asked to write a report or make a presentation, keep this story in mind:

A teacher asked a student to sum up Socrates’ life in four lines. He said:

1. Socrates lived long ago.
2. He was very intelligent.
3. Socrates gave long speeches.
4. His friends poisoned him.

Source: George Seller, from a “Strengthening Your Board” seminar.

How do you develop your children to be leaders?

Leadership Development is all about developing the attitude of influence. If someone is influencing, then they are leading. There is something called an OODA loop (developed by the Armed Forces), which helps children learn by Observing, Orienting, making Decisions, and then Acting. Research this OODA loop further for your children and see how mentoring can solidify this learning. Once they consistently repeat this OODA loop in decision making, they are ready to move on. Next they will learn how to create a Vision, which is essential for a leader. Vision is, effectively, "where" they are going.

So here are some important components to Leadership Development for your children: 1. Learn how to influence 2. Learn how to use the OODA loop consistently (through mentoring) 3. Learn how to create a Vision.

What percentage of the time do you think negatively?

Tap the Power of Positive Reminders

Here’s proof that it’s important to surround ourselves with positive reminders. Studies show that 83% of what we think about is negative. The result: reduced productivity and lower morale.

To improve your outlook, try this tip: Write down one thing you’ve learned each day. Have the list where you can see it to remind you of your accomplishments. An easier option: Keep a picture of a favorite person or vacation spot on your desk.

Source: George-Anne Fay, consultant, www.gafay.com

What is the most important leadership core value?

Great question and it's important to break that question down: What we "value" is what we place importance on or what we find worth or significance in. Central to leadership is the ability to influence so that followers can be gained. Even the leaders that have no significant title, passion, or integrity may become "great" ("great" being defined as exceptional in degree or intensity). Hitler had limited integrity, but could be defined as a great leader because he influenced many followers. Ghandi did not show his passion and had no formal title, but he influenced many followers. There are even some leaders that don't even want to be a leader, but people follow them (a scene from Forrest Gump comes to mind....fictitious but could be true). All of these leaders have one thing in common: They're going somewhere. So...from an outsiders' perspective, the outsider would value the ability to influence as the most important and from an insider's perspective, the leader would value where they are going (vision) as most important.

How do you deal with a deviant or destructive family or organizational culture?

I know this sounds like a depressing answer to the question of how to deal with a deviant or destructive family or organizational culture, but you can't change culture just like you can't change an individual's nature without a death or near-death experience. Both need to be changed from the inside out. So since we're talking about a culture, the only way to deal with it is to replace behaviors. When the people with the more constructive behavior outnumber the deviants, the culture will follow.”

Are you one that offers advice freely?

You may mean well by offering a co-worker or family member advice, but your comments may be taken the wrong way.

Here’s how you can offer advice so it’s well received:

1. Give some advance warning. Don’t jump right into your advice. Lay some ground work before you begin. An opening such as, “I have some ideas that may help you …” gets others ready to listen. It also gives them a chance to stop you if they don’t want your input.

2. Phrase your advice in first-person singular. The other person will be less defensive and more likely to listen with an open mind. Instead of, “What you need to do is…” use yourself as an example: “What helps me is…”

Source: Dance Lessons, by Chip Bell and Heather Shea, as seen in Positive Leadership, 323-960-4100.

Should we pay the married and child-rearing employees and citizens more in overall pay & benefits?

Inherent in this question is an assumption that they should be paid the same, which in a free market society, does not work. "Pay for Performance" has nothing to do with marital status and number of exemptions. However, marital status and number of dependents MAY have something to do with how the employee views responsibility and how they perform for their pay.

Is too much time spent thinking about job satisfaction?

What do I think about job satisfaction? If we're looking to increase productivity, quality, innovation, and client/customer satisfaction, then looking at job satisfaction is looking in the wrong place. You can have a completely satisfied employee that lacks productivity, isn't particularly concerned about quality or innovation, and doesn't really care about satisfying the client/customer.

In order to increase all of the factors above, the true measurement should be employee "engagement"! The Gallup organization actually debunked some prior held myths and found that increasing "engagement" was the way to success.

What is Resiliency?

Resiliency, in a data center context, is the ability of a server, network, storage system, or an entire facility, to recover quickly and continue operating even when there has been an equipment failure, power outage or other disruption.

http://whatis.techtarget.com/

Can "hands-on" management be an excuse to not train and trust in people’s abilities?

Sometimes "hands-on" management is an excuse to not train and trust. There are times, however, where you will find an "all hands on deck" situation and a leader better be available if people need help.

Have you ever been part of a mentoring relationship as a mentor or protégé?

My dad taught me well. I played handball, then racquetball, then golf with him most of my life. He was my mentor before having a mentor was main-stream and he taught me to look at myself with a critical eye, enhance the things that I did well, and improve the things that I didn’t do well. To repay that relationship, I have created a mentoring program that I have used in work and personal settings.

Is it good to concentrate on your strengths?

People are most successful when they’re matched with activities they love to do, according to a Stanford University study of 250,000 people.

The study concluded that high intelligence didn’t guarantee high accomplishment. Hard work and enthusiasm in the field of choice was the leading indicator of success.

Implications for you: Instead of spending time trying to correct weaknesses, focus on developing a special talent. Here’s how to do it:

• Pick one strength to pursue. Excellence is a product of hard work and liking what you do. Adjust your goals to target your strengths.

• Ignore weaknesses that won’t hinder you. Work on a problem only if it lessens your productivity. Let strengths overpower your weaknesses.

• Recognize your self-importance. If you deem yourself unworthy of respect, so will everyone else. Self-esteem comes before peer esteem.

Source: Soar With Your Strengths, by Donald Clifton. Published by Nelson, 415-288-0260.

Define Success

Success is just completing something the way you intended to complete it.

Do you have to make a choice between being content and being ambitious?

There has to be a balance between ambition and contentment. It is good to achieve and ambition can be just the pursuit of achievement. It is good to have ease of mind. Contentment is just ease of mind. These two words do not necessarily exclude each other. However, they can exclude each other if we are being selfish about our ambition. There is no contentment with selfish ambition. They can also exclude each other if we are satisfied with failure. There is nothing ambitious about being content with failure.

Can there be too much information? How do you decide what to ignore?

"Too much information" depends on the source. If the source is questionable, any information is too much information. However, if the source is completely trustworthy, any little nugget of information could be valuable and the information can "keep on coming".

Do you say something to someone if they're being rude?

Rudeness isn’t illegal but costs plenty!

If you think it’s not your place to speak up when others exhibit rude behavior at work, think again.

A new study shows that rude employees cost companies millions in lost productivity. And the biggest offenders are managers. When employees think the boss isn’t civil, here’s what happens:

• 53% said they’ve lost hours of productivity sweating about “what will happen next time?”
• 46% considered changing jobs
• 37% say they feel less committed to their company, and
• 22% deliberately got even by cutting back their efforts.

Keeping your mouth shut and taking it seems the easy way out. But to get more positive results:

1. Repeat what was just said. For example, say, “Let me see if I understood you correctly. Did you mean to say … ?” Sometimes people don’t realize they’ve come across rude until they hear what they actually said.
2. Give people the benefit of the doubt. If they aren’t usually rude, assume they’re having a bad day. Consider taking a day to cool off before discussing the incident.
3. Steer the discussion toward solutions so you can work together for a more productive result.

Source: Christine Pearson, University of North Carolina, 919-962-3117

What do you have to get to be happy?

Like beauty, happiness is in the eye of the beholder. Since Happiness and Happening have the same derivative word, people who look to get their happiness from the things happening around them (that may or may not be out of their circle of influence) may not ever "get" what they need to be happy.